Part II - Lust, Lies & Videotape

Although it was not what I wanted, the thought of having another child thrilled me. Being pregnant for me was a joy, I always felt empowered by the miracle of life. Some sistah's don't feel this way but pregnancy is something I do well. He was ecstatic and we decided to get married. Long story short, once we started planning the wedding, a simple Afrocentric Ceremony at Niagra Falls all hell broke loose. We started looking at rings, he wanted something with a lot of bling. I am the "brown flower child", bling is not my style. It was his gift to me so I conceded. He wanted me to consult with a friend that he once dated but they were now "cool "on the tenets of an afrocentric wedding. Then all of the sudden after picking the date and finding the venue, he lost interest. When I finally and it took me a month or so to ask what was up, he blew up saying he wasn't ready yet. Betrayl #1 - I let it go, I was more than so pissed.

I became more focused on the baby, work and daily life. Living together was hectic. My son absolutely despised him. There had not been a man in our house since he was 5 years old although I had a younger daughter(I'll chat about that another time). He would have temper tantrums when he could not get my son to respond favorable and began to find fault with the way I ran my( I know I did not say our) house. On the flipside my son was complaining constantly and making it very difficult for us to live in peace. I was determined that we would all would get along, no matter what it took. Chaos.

Everytime there was a problem at home, he would storm out and run to his other home in Brooklyn. He kept the Brooklyn apartment and we would use it if the weather was bad and we couldn't travel back to the Poconos or we just needed some quality time together. But you did'nt know what you were going to get from him, sometimes we would have fun and then with one phone call or beeper page holy hell would break loose once again. I began to wish he did'nt come in or wish he would storm out just so we could have our peace. The arguments became predictable, we went to counseling. I was an emotional wreck. I was pregnant, dissapointed and feeling quite trapped. At the therapist' advice the two of us began staying in Brooklyn at least once a week to try to salvage our relationship.

My work schedule was demanding, I was the Assistant GM at a health club. I still had a few personal training clients and also taught two classes a week in addition to my own exercise routine and growing belly. I was coming to Brooklyn more leaving the kids with my mom or my sister, not wanting to take that long drive home and trying to find a rhythm that would bring some relief. He began going out more. Maybe he was always going out but when I was in the Poconos I did not seem to be as aware. It really did not bother me, he would call and tell me he was on his way home and sometimes we would talk right up to the time he put the key in the door. He was however drinking more, spending more time on the computer and watching THOSE videos a little to much for my comfort.

You feel it coming? Yep, he had his profile on several dating sites and was chatting and meeting up with people on a regular. He was in constant contact with his ex girlfriends and meeting up with them also. He was even looking for our sister-wife online and making arrangements in that area. What the HECK!!!