Looking back I can truly say that I did see this coming but the magnitude is what blew me away. He was charming, had the gift of gab and was a sharp dresser. At that time I did not know enough to look for more in a future mate. If there was a class/book entitled "Mate Selection for Dummies 101", I truly missed it. I was 38 years old with two children ages 17 & 7. I owned my own home and had navigated my career in the fitness industry, starting as a group fitness trainee to fitness instructor to personal trainer to Assistant GM in a few years. I had always taken care of myself and everyone else around me when I could. My claim to fame was that I could "get the job done", an attitude adapted from childhood.
My mother was the person I admired most. She was a person of tremendous strength and she always "got the job done". Although my mother and father had been married since 1944 and remained married until his death in 1994. She ran the house, reared seven children plus countless foster children throughout her lifetime. She taught us to be independent, free spirited and self determining. We never spoke about how to maintain relationships. We spoke about sex, birth control, life goals but never about relationships. After she passed away, and I read her journals I understood why, it was an area that she herself had great difficulty in.
O.K. back to the story. Our relationship felt right almost frightfully so. We finished each other sentences, the phone would ring when I thought about him, yada..yada.., you know the drill. We became a couple quickly, he was extremely attentive, we spent alot of time together and we had a lot of deep discussions about life. We began to talk about the future, my dreams, his dreams, and our dreams. He wanted a child but at 38 years old I felt I was finished. He had a lot of relationships prior and was a party animal and said he was ready to settle down. I could count on 1 hand the number of meaningful relationships I had been in and could party at will, but was a weekend homebody.
We spoke about the importance of creating a legacy for our children and began to strategize on how we should go about doing this. He worked for the government and had 8 years left before he would retire and was very interested in revisiting his entrepreneurial spirit which lie dormant since his college days at Howard. He also had this fantasy about polygamy that I entertained (really it didn't offend me), as long as the children and the legacy were kept the priority and this wasn't about a freak-a-thon. I looked at it as way to really accomplish something, with each person doing thier part; running the household, running the businesses etc. I'm not making excuses but how many of us often wish we had some help, not a housekeeper someone with a vested interest in your future. I won't lie, I often thought about it. So when he shared these thoughts with me it was not shocking in the least. I also knew if that if this was truly the way we would roll... it would take a plan and some time for us to strengthen our foundation before we could even think about including someone else.
He started telling me he loved me, it was too soon. Then he started asking me to have his child. Now don't get me wrong I love children. I can say that I am a very good mother and a wonderful Aunt. I am into children and I really enjoy the freedom and boldness of thier spirits. But again I was 38 and was ready to focus more on career than child bearing (see now that where the sister wife could pick up the slack.) We both used birth/disease control always and I was adamant about this decision. I stood my ground through the pleas and the "just this time" lines and still I became pregnant.
My mother was the person I admired most. She was a person of tremendous strength and she always "got the job done". Although my mother and father had been married since 1944 and remained married until his death in 1994. She ran the house, reared seven children plus countless foster children throughout her lifetime. She taught us to be independent, free spirited and self determining. We never spoke about how to maintain relationships. We spoke about sex, birth control, life goals but never about relationships. After she passed away, and I read her journals I understood why, it was an area that she herself had great difficulty in.
O.K. back to the story. Our relationship felt right almost frightfully so. We finished each other sentences, the phone would ring when I thought about him, yada..yada.., you know the drill. We became a couple quickly, he was extremely attentive, we spent alot of time together and we had a lot of deep discussions about life. We began to talk about the future, my dreams, his dreams, and our dreams. He wanted a child but at 38 years old I felt I was finished. He had a lot of relationships prior and was a party animal and said he was ready to settle down. I could count on 1 hand the number of meaningful relationships I had been in and could party at will, but was a weekend homebody.
We spoke about the importance of creating a legacy for our children and began to strategize on how we should go about doing this. He worked for the government and had 8 years left before he would retire and was very interested in revisiting his entrepreneurial spirit which lie dormant since his college days at Howard. He also had this fantasy about polygamy that I entertained (really it didn't offend me), as long as the children and the legacy were kept the priority and this wasn't about a freak-a-thon. I looked at it as way to really accomplish something, with each person doing thier part; running the household, running the businesses etc. I'm not making excuses but how many of us often wish we had some help, not a housekeeper someone with a vested interest in your future. I won't lie, I often thought about it. So when he shared these thoughts with me it was not shocking in the least. I also knew if that if this was truly the way we would roll... it would take a plan and some time for us to strengthen our foundation before we could even think about including someone else.
He started telling me he loved me, it was too soon. Then he started asking me to have his child. Now don't get me wrong I love children. I can say that I am a very good mother and a wonderful Aunt. I am into children and I really enjoy the freedom and boldness of thier spirits. But again I was 38 and was ready to focus more on career than child bearing (see now that where the sister wife could pick up the slack.) We both used birth/disease control always and I was adamant about this decision. I stood my ground through the pleas and the "just this time" lines and still I became pregnant.
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